FAQ

This is in response to a number of comments that have been sent to me but I haven't got round to replying to or, for reasons that will become obvious, I didn't really want to post without a bit of redaction. I'll add to this as the comments literally "flood" in.

What are your kid's names?


Boy and Girl. I'm not going to post their real names here because one day they might grow up (it's something we're planning for). I suspect some of the things written here might cause a bit of resentment, and I don't want to upset the Girl because she's freaking mental.

Where do you live?


Er... that, as a comment on it's own, comes across a bit murdery. Just saying.

What makes you the authority on parenthood?


I obtained a Batchelor of Parenting (BPr) from Maudlin College Oxford including qualifications on;

"Shouting Ineffectively 101"
"Alcohol - The New Valium"
"Falling Asleep On Your Keyboard"

"How To Hide in the Toilet Until Your Family Think You've Moved Out"


Also, during the "Conception" module I managed 98% in "Advanced Sexual Incompetence"

How much of this is actually true?


I reckon about 75%, which leaves room for; slight exaggeration for comic effect, reordering of events for better story telling and a bit of painting myself in a better light. Broadly speaking, I'm a bit of an arse (which I'm sure you'll agree, I hide quite well.)

Why are you such a p*ssy? You need to man up 'cos yoov got no balls you looser. 


I've said it before and I'll say it again. Let it go, mum.

You need to show youre wife whos boss you f****** p*ssy!


I think you'll find the Wife is quite clear on who's boss. In fact I'd go so far as to say none of us are confused about this. But thanks for the input, my brave, brave anonymous chum. Based on the rest of your long and creatively spelt comment, this blog might not be suited to your delicate tastes - might I suggest the following link, I think you'll find it helpful http://www.keep-it-up.com/

Why do you make the Girl out to be so horrible?


I don't! She's beautiful and sweet and caring and very maternal. She just happens to be a committed psychopath too. She's faceted.

She didn't really stick a spoon up the cat's bum, did she?


I assure you, she did. It was almost as funny as when the neighbours accidentally shot him off the fence with a champagne cork.

Seriously though - she can't be that bad!

I haven't found an appropriate post to put this in, so here's a short conversation between the Girl and myself that will hopefully put all this doubt to bed

"I don't like Robbie. He does this to me." *Hits herself*
*Jokingly* "Oh dear. Shall I kill him?"
*Very seriously* "Yes. Kill him." *Nods emphatically*