Scream

I'll be completely honest, I hate Hallowe'en.

Don't get me wrong, any excuse to dress like I used to in my gothic youth should be a good thing, and I love horror films. But let's be honest Hallowe'en is essentially a one night amnesty on doorstep robberies. It's as if just because it's All Hallows' Eve teenagers are allowed to demand money for menaces by virtue of standing on your doorstep wearing a sullen expression and a bin bag. The only time I've enjoyed Hallowe'en was the year I took to answering the front door with a baseball bat and; "TRICK, YOU BASTARDS!"

So when I got home and the Wife said;

"Get the Kids into their costumes. We're going trick or treating."

I was annoyed. We don't live in America, I'm not smuggling E.T. out of my bedroom, and jacking the Kids up on Haribo for the next week did not appeal at all. So I told the Wife who's boss by saying;

"Right-o, love."

Now it strikes me that if you're going to go trick or treating you should take things seriously and make an effort with your outfit. The Boy agreed with me and took careful stock of his dressing up outfits before choosing a skeleton (not skellington, I hasten to add) costume.

The Girl initially wanted to be a Pirate Cat. This, I explained to her, was not really what Hallowe'en was all about. in a breakthrough moment, for once she took some advice rather than simply yelling; "No."

Then she ignored my advice and dressed up as Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. With fairy wings. And an axe.

Fortunately for me the Wife's idea of trick or treating was to drive over to friends and family's houses. A great idea because you avoid knocking on the door of the crazy cat lady up the road who hasn't got any sweets but has some "brown cat eggs" she insists you take. So we went over to see Grandma. Who wasn't in.

The four of us sat in the car, waiting for Grandma to turn up, in the pitch dark, listening to the wind. The Girl's wind. Bless her she'd been ill the night before and still wasn't herself. Eventually Grandma turned up from work, looking slightly flustered. Sportingly we let her go inside before we walked up to the front door and bellowed "Trick or treat!"

Sadly, the gusto with which the Girl yelled proved a bit much for her fragile digestive system, and there was a very suspect bubbling noise and a look of surprise that suggested something untoward had happened.

I'll admit, as a trick on Hallowe'en, shitting yourself it pretty radical. Meanwhile Grandma exercised her right to make a slightly weird situation very weird indeed.

"Trick"

She said, which made both Kids turn to look at the Wife and I with an anxious look that said; "We were promised sweets!"

"I haven't got any sweets. Why don't you take me to the local shop and I'll buy you some."

This was a rather strange thing to say since, as the Wife pointed out;

"You work in the local shop. And you've just finished work."

So, just another normal day with the Family...

*Sigh*