Fit to Drop

So I've been out running a lot recently. Those of you that know me will realise that in previous years I would have been more likely to say "So I've been taking the rough edge of a pineapple to myself"  but hey, times change and life insurance doesn't get cheaper.

What makes the pain and effort worth it is that I get to come home to the bosom of my family where my aching bones will be met by the Wife's loving and sympathetic;

"Aw... Have you got a hurty knee? MAN UP, PRINCESS! "

The other night I returned from a run to find the rest of the family sitting outside waiting to see if they could see any bats.

"Is that a bat?"

The Girl asked, pointing at a pigeon.

"No. It's a pigeon. "

"What's it doing?"

"Flapping. "

"I'm scared of flaps."

And since the Wife and I have got the same level of maturity as a 13 year old school boy we both collapsed into laughter until the Girl kicked me in the shin.

Similarly today I cycled home from work - and allow to digress a moment - during which I had the most civil disagreement of my entire life. I was cycling on,  and I can't emphasise this enough, A CYCLE PATH where a delightful elderly couple were walking their dog in such a way they took up the whole path. I gave a gentle ding on my bell twice to no avail and only when my brakes started squealing as I stopped did they turn around. I gave them a cheery smile, and the lovely elderly lady said, with a voice like Hyacinth Bucket;

"You could ring your bell, you know. "

I smiled again.

"I did,"

I said, politely,

"I'm afraid it's not very loud. "

"Well maybe you should get a louder one, "

she suggested, not unkindly. I stopped and turned around.

"Could I ask a question? "

"Yes?"

"Would you walk along a busy road and expect cars to toot at you so you could get out of the way? "

Clearly seeing where I was going with this, she bristled and testily said;

"I might!"

"Well, then it's a pleasant surprise for you that you haven't been weeded out of the gene pool by natural selection. The unfortunate consequence for society is that there's just that little bit more stupid in the world. "

And then I finished with -  and I'm not kidding -

"I bid you good day, madam."

Which I've never said before in my life.

That was when she called me a prick.

Anyway, when I returned home it was the Boy who supplied the entertainment. A friend dropped by to drop off some shorts for the Wife. We're off on our holibobs tomorrow, you see. Whilst chatting to our friend I mentioned that it took going on a two week holiday for me to realise I only have seven pairs of underwear. And no, they don't have the days of the week on them. My socks do though. My friend replied jokingly;

"You could borrow my other half's pants. He's still got some in the plastic. "

"My pants were in plastic until this morning. Look, "

the Boy said,  strolling over and pulling his strides down.

"Boy! Not cool! "

Deftly ignoring me he continued;

"I like these one's because they've got a pee hole. Look."

"Noooooooooo! "