Silky Skills

"Dad, can we play football?"
"Sure."
"I haven't got any football boots. I'll pretend my trainers are football boots."
"I WANT FOOTBALL BOOTS!"
"He's just pretending he has football boots, Girl. "
"I WANT PRETEND FOOTBALL BOOTS!"
"Er... Okay. How about these pretend football boots?"
"THEY'RE MY TRAINERS!!"
"Yes... But you can pretend they're tr-"
"NOOO!!!!"
"Dad, quick, run away!"

*In the garden*

"Right, so kick the ball to me."
"Where's the pitch?"
"What? Well, the garden."
"No, first we need to build a pitch."
"This isn't 'Field of Dreams,' Boy."
"There aren't any goals."
"We're just going to have a kick-a-bout."
*blank look*
"Ok. How about we use the poles between the trellis as a goal?"
"Where's the other goal?"
"We only need one goal."
"But then I won't have anywhere to score a goal."
"We'll both use this goal."
*blank look*
"We're just going to practice kicking the ball."
*blank look*
"I can already kick the ball. Watch."
"No do- Oh, for Christ's sake. Hang on, I'll get it back."

*Later*

"Right. The reason it went over there is because you're kicking the ball with your toe. If you kick with the side of your foot it'll go where you want it. Look, I'll kick it to you."

*Kick*

"It hit the fence."
"Yes, I know that. The ground's uneven. I show you again. Watch."

*Kick*

"Were you trying to hit the fence this time?"
"No. I'll give it another go. We really need to flatten the lawn."
"I'll stand by the fence."
"No, look it'll work this time."

*Kick*

"Crap! Sorry, Boy! Are you okay?"
"That was my FACE!"
"Okay, okay... Look, why don't you try score a goal. I'll stand by the trellis posts and you can kick the ball at me."
"Okay. I'll take a run up."
"Fine.... Er, that'll... Boy, not from the other end of the garden!"

*Run*Kick*Miss*

*Sigh* "Get up, Boy. Try again with a shorter run up."
"Ok."

*Kick*

"How have you done that twice? I'll get it back again."

*Later*

"Oh hello, Girl. Mowing the lawn? That's our goal. Could you mow the lawn over th-"
"No!"
"Well we we're playing foo-"
"No!"
"Kick her in the head, dad!"

*Later - after removing Girl and conceding several goals*

"Ok, your turn to be goalie, Boy. Watch this!"

*Kick*

"You missed."
"Yes, well... Practice makes perfect. How about this one?"

*Kick*

"Ha ha, you're rubbish! Look!"

*Picks up sponge, puts sponge between posts*

"Sponge goalie! Bet you can't beat him!"
"Right!"

*Kick*

"Ha ha ha ha! You're rubbish! You couldn't beat sponge goalie! Where are you going?"
"Inside. Mum's calling me."
"I can't hear her."