Arrgh!

Here is a list of things that I am scared of;

• Spiders
• Tunnels
• Being touched
• Funnel Web Spiders (they live in tunnels)

We'll ignore the whole touching thing, I get asked about that a lot. Most commonly; "How did you have kids?" The response to this is; "Disappointingly quickly" which has nothing to do with not liking physical contact.

Weirdly, as I type this I can hear the Wife rolling her eyes.

Anyway, I have three phobias, which is a fair collection for anyone. This is why it doesn't come as a great surprise that the Boy - who is essentially me³ - is scared of just about anything you care to mention. I'll give you and example; earlier today the Wife put on a DVD to keep the Kids quiet. The Boy watched it for ten minutes, then ran away saying it was too scary.

It was Lady and the Tramp

Yesterday we treated the Kids to staying up with us to watch the Doctor Who Christmas Special. The Boy spent an hour with his hands over his ears, insisting the Wife covered his eyes. It wasn't entertainment for him, it was self-induced sensory deprivation. I sat with him to watch Finding Nemo about a year ago. Let me give you the plot breakdown (as far as we watched) from the Boy's point of view.

Pretty fish talking
Pretty fish EATEN BY MASSIVE EVIL FISH
Pretty fish talks to small pretty fish
Small pretty fish ABDUCTED BY MASSIVE GLASS-FACED MONSTER
Pretty fish goes looking for small pretty fish
SHARK ATTACK!

You would have thought I'd made him watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Which is ironic because the first film the Girl ever watched was the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. She was about a week old, she wouldn't sleep so I lay on the sofa with her and watched it. In some ways I think that was a mistake. I think it might have given her ideas.

Clearly then, nightmares are a bit of an issue. The Boy's first recurring nightmare was that there was a bee in his room. This was whilst he was still quite young.

"There's a bee in my room! Its going to bite me!"
"Bees don't bite. They sting you."
"Whaaaaat?"

Which is why we've had to choose our words carefully. Not that I always remember.

"Night night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite."
"Whaaaaat?"

On the other hand the Girl is scared of nothing. She'll happily play with cats (as demonstrated), dogs, snakes, alligators, plastic bags (thanks Granddad) or electric outlets. She's the one that stands on the arm of the sofa and dives onto the hard wood floor, or surfs the stairs. On one occasion I got home from work and on opening the door was greeted by the sight of the Girl hurtling down the stairs face first and crashing into the radiator. The radiator seemed more bothered than she did. She simply got up, dusted herself down (well, pulled her trousers up) and ran into the living room to watch the tweenies.

Meanwhile, the Boy was being terrorised by a moose with a wellies on its antlers.