Dog House

The Boy is in the dog house. I took a day off work early last week and had the opportunity to drop the Kids at school. It was during this that the Boy indulged in his new game. He stayed in the car whilst I dropped the Girl off an when I returned he'd turned the interior of the car into the third circle of hell by dropping his guts so pungently it actually made me cry. I'm not sure what we've been feeding him but the Police could use it to disperse rioters. I had to drive with my head out of the window. Naturally he thought this was hilarious. So hilarious he did it to the Wife the next day.

Then at bath time we had our traditional row, culminating in the following conversation;

"Don't forget who is the boss around here."
"Mummy."
"No... Well, yes. But who else is the boss?"
"Grandma?"
"No..."
"The Girl?"
"No!"
(Pause) "Boris?"
"No, Boy. The cat is not the boss. I am the boss."
(Doubtfully) "Mmmm."

On top of this he's become so obsessed with his new camera he constantly videos things. More often than not me. Its like being under video surveillance. Its only a matter of time before he shows the camera to the Wife and says; "Listen to what dad is saying" and she hears me talking about the time I trapped my balls in a Corby trouser press.

To cap it all off he was kicking a football about and I overheard him yell


"Chelsea score!"

I support Charlton. (I should explain this for my American readers - imagine your son tells you he doesn't like baseball / basketball / American football but instead wants to play soccer. I know. Unthinkable)

Clearly, this is beyond the pale. So much so that I texted the Wife what he'd done and told her he had a week to find somewhere else to live. Her response to this was "Tell him to support Manchester United, they're way better" so a divorce is on the cards. 

And for that I blame him. 

The Girl has been sweetness and light this week though. Well... up until today when - whilst walking past her pregnant Aunt who was sitting on the sofa - she paused, prodded her tummy and gave her a look as if to say; "Sort it out, love."Dog