Extracurricular

We have enrolled the Boy in football lessons at his school. To clarify for my American readers, when I say football I mean what you call soccer. If I refer to what you call football I normally say "The sport bit between the two hour Pepsi ad." It's not catchy, but it is accurate.

The only downside with the Boy playing football is that because he goes to a faith school everyone has to go in goal. Because Jesus saves you see.

Sorry about that. Won't happen again.

Today I popped along to watch him, which was a bit of a mistake. After only a few minutes it was apparent that he was pretty much oblivious to the game. Not that he was alone in this. Three or four kids were taking it very seriously. However the rest were either running in circles, crying or peeing in the bushes. The Boy seemed completely unaware that the ball had any significance to the match. Certainly he never tried to kick it. In fact he didn't even look at it. To the Boy the game revolved around adjusting his tabard, as if it was an uncomfortable bra or a nice little off the shoulder number. Once, in a moment of inspiration, he laid down across the goal mouth. Unorthodox defending, but it worked because it stopped a goal. Later I asked him if he'd done that because he was in defence.

"No. I was a bit tired."

This despite the fact that he ran once during the entire match. And that was to the toilet. Still, he enjoyed himself and cheered every time a goal was scored.

"Goal! "

"You're not supposed to cheer THEIR goals! "

I hid myself away whilst he was playing, so he would stay focused (some chance).  When the mayhem ended I stepped out from behind a tree and said hello.

"Mum! "

"Christ.  I'm DAD. "

"Did you see me play? I scored a hundred goals. "

Whilst this statement wasn't that amusing in itself, the look on the face of his team mate who had been taking it all very seriously was, to put it mildly, hilarious.

Earlier that morning the Wife and I had taken the Girl to gymnastics. I recommend watching a toddler's gymnastics class because I think it's the closest you'll get to experiencing the end of the world.  They act like I expect people to act when they've been told that an asteroid will hit the Earth. Lots of running and screaming, a bit of vomiting, crying, biting - even the odd stolen kiss or hug. It is the purest form of chaos, with a few ruddy faced women of a certain age trying - and utterly failing - to keep order. Essentially its like descending into madness - particularly when any queuing is involved. The teacher would neatly line all the Kids up,  then turn to get some equipment and the queue would scatter instantly and try to kill each other with hula hoops. Sometimes they would join a different queue, causing complete confusion for the teachers. At one point a little boy subject the Girl to her first french kiss. He didn't even buy her a drink first. Honestly, Kids today. No manners.

The up and the down side of a day like today is that going back to work tomorrow will seem very normal and mundane. Moribund, even. It's good to have a bit of chaos in your life.