Panic

I had to pick the Kids up from school today, which is always a pleasure. That's not sarcasm, I mean it. Its one of the few times my Kids are glad to see me. So after work, I popped round the mother-in-law's for a quick cup of coffee, a conversation about the diet the Wife and I are on and a compliment ("You're not that fat. You don't look that bad") that left quite a lot to be desired... Then off to pick up the Kids.

As ever the Boy came out without a qualm, with a handful of sweets but somehow still choosing to eat his coat. We had our usual conversation on the way to the car;

"What did you do at school today?"
"Can't remember."
"Try."
*Sigh* "Something about numbers. Can I watch things exploding on the computer when we get home?"
"Er... yeah!"

Then off for a bout of driving up and down the road trying to find somewhere to park near the Girl's school whilst dodging humongous 4x4's driven by tiny, tiny women who don't feel that they need to LOOK OUT OF THE BIG WINDOW IN THE FRONT OF THE CAR.

Sorry. That's not relevant, it just really pisses me off.

At the school the Boy rushed off the play on the climbing frame whilst I and every other parent ignored each other by staring at our phones as if we'd had an urgent text message - when in fact I suspect most of them, like me, were trying to get three stars on Angry Birds. I was only roused from my reverie when I heard the Girl yell "Mummy!" (honestly, every bloody time) and run out of the door and head butt me in the crotch.

Once I'd recovered, I turned to the Boy and said "Come one" to discover he wasn't on the climbing frame. I looked around once, then again and, quite frankly, the bottom fell out of my world. He wasn't anywhere in the playground. I checked in the tree house whilst the Girl, having grown bored of me already, tried to escape. Getting properly scared I dragged her out through the gates thinking he might have tried to walk back to the car, but nothing. Then I started seeing the headlines, the press conference where we were begging whoever had him to give him back unharmed. And then the Boy nudged me in the back of the knee and said

"Ha ha! I was hiding!"

I love my son so much I simply can't express it in words, so I expressed it by grabbing him by the scruff of the neck, shaking him and shouting incoherently at him. This continued as I dragged him towards the car.

"You scared the hell out of me! Don't you ever do that again!"
"I was just hiding!"
"You scared mummy, Boy."
"Daddy. I'm daddy. And I'll tell him off thank you."
"Yeah, shut up, Girl."
"Don't you tell her to shut up."
"Yes. Don't tell me to shut up. You scared mummy."
"Actually, shut up, Girl."

Having got him in the car I took a deep breath and calmed down. I apologised to him, started the car and as we pulled away asked the Girl what she'd done at school today.

"I killed Benjamin."

So I lit up the front tyres and left as quick as I could.