Rules

You can only climb up. You can't climb down again, but you can always climb up.

Similarly, you can take things out of boxes, but can't put them back into boxes.


As long as your head is hidden no one can see you


When Mummy or Daddy take you to their friend's house, you must only play with the single most expensive item in the house, regardless of what it is. If unsure, head for the telly and try to push it over.


When your toys are in a box, you must remove all of them and put them on the floor. If you are told to put them back in, refer to point two.


Every time Mummy or Daddy tread on Lego, they love you a little bit more.


When you hear the word "don't" it actually means; "Wait until I'm not looking. Then go crazy."


Your Mummy is her own Mummy. Also she is your Daddy's Mummy. Also, Daddy is your Mummy's Daddy, and also his own Daddy. This must be true, because they call each other "Mummy and Daddy". Except at night.


Mummy and Daddy give you a bath because they want to you either drown your brother/sister or fart.


If you need the toilet always wait until you are in the bath, in the car, or at the very least as far as humanly possible from a toilet.


If you feel sick, find Daddy. Then be sick on him.


The cat/dog is your slave/patient/dolly. You are free to do what you want to it.


On entering nursery you must cry until Mummy and Daddy can't hear you any more, then play happily for the rest of the day. When your Mummy or Daddy pick you up, scream.


In an emergency, your ride-along toy car also doubles as a toilet.


If you haven't eaten something before, you don't like it.


If you have a runny nose or chocolate/ice cream/milk around your mouth, wait until Mummy or Daddy are dressed for work then pretend you want to cuddle them and wipe your face on them. They will think of you 'fondly' when they find your little present during that important presentation. 

Your nose is a legitimate source of food.


Dear Readers - let me know if you've got any more of these (preferably by the comments box below - you don't have to join anything to comment). I'll make it an expanding list.